Thursday, December 29, 2011

And we Groan.

Like an extended breath, I write. Not for the readers I may never have. But for me. For my heart. It is a release of sorts; my words a toss to the wind, a dangerous wind that ravels and spins uncontrollably. This wind knows no time, no limit.

And yet I submit.

I submit my preconceived "control", my pretend "success", my tight reign on what I once thought was My World, My Universe. And no, I would never tell you that. But I believed it to be true when I acted out of my self-proclaimed expertise, my make-no-mistake-about-it certainty that I practically tasted and memorized and mimicked down to the tiniest detail.

The real truth?

I am one broken, messed up human being who aches with a loneliness that sometimes owns me. This loneliness holds an obvious power in my life that carries me through too many nights, too many seasons.

But lately, I have learned a remarkable thing.

This loneliness is a groaning for something much greater. In Romans 8, we are told that our hearts groan because we were meant for something more. The "truth" that we so often believe that completely "fix" all of our problems (you know, the meditation and the yoga and the good wine and the solid conversation with the friend we can always trust...) are actually what keeps us from the treasure our hearts groan for.

Jesus.

Yes, our fixes are often good things. Don't get me wrong, yoga has been a sweet blessing for me lately, one which has allowed me to truly experience the stillness of God in a very fresh and tangible way.

BUT.

It is only in Christ that our hearts are content. That we are complete. So we long for the day when we will know this loneliness, this groaning no more. We will be eternally with our Creator, the one who loves us more wildly and beautifully than we could ever imagine.

I pray that His love will totally disturb your world, that it will blow up what you once thought to be true. May He give Love an entirely new meaning for you.