Monday, April 22, 2013

The Ocean of Me


I remember studying correlations in psychology class. (Insert overly dramatic sigh representing my sporadic longing to be back in school here _______).  

WARNING: Nerd Alert! Nerd Alert! (Can’t say you weren’t warned).

A correlation explains a relationship between two variables but does not in fact equal “causation” meaning it’s not technically an “if... then” statement or a cause and effect type of relationship. And to be more exact, an imperfect positive correlation simply reveals how one factor can (frequently) predict the other. For instance, Poverty and Obesity. Lack of Sleep and Stress… things like that.

Well, I just figured out a new one. For me, at least. Ready for my fearless psychological power to unleash to the masses? Ok here goes…

The more I…
Understand
Accept
Embrace
and Collaborate with

my own personal freedom, the more I feel empowered to say one enormous and sometimes horrifying word that I am not always good at saying: NO.

I have been learning a great deal about this word lately-
What it means.
How often it is misread.
How much it can hurt to say.
To hear.
To talk about.

This one word has the deep-gut potential for so much destruction, so much doubt, and so much fear. Yet, what I am learning is that it can just as easily be a beautiful, life-giving, soul-singing, I-know-myself kind of word. And a word that is, at times, incredibly necessary.

The more I understand myself, the more I understand what I need- what I choose to take in and let go of. In other words, I choose what to say No to and what to say Yes to.

And sometimes all this means is saying No to a hang-out with some pretty amazing friends who I love to be around, simply because I need to invest in some self-care and spend a night reading or writing or just collecting my thoughts from the blurred, what-just-happened tangled mess of a day.

So I sit.
Alone.
Without people.
Without words to interrupt my current thought flow that sets sail as a yielding and hesitant but existent trickle.
Slowly, it glides down the unforgiving, immovable mountains of my mind, creating tributaries from every angle, it seems.
Eventually, my thoughts collect speed and intensity as the water meets the stream.
Then the river.
Then the ocean.
The Ocean of Me.

There I sit.
Silently.
Boldly.
All because I said one tiny little No.
A No that leads to so SO many Yes’s.

A Yes to Growth.
A Yes to Solitude.
A Yes to Space.

Big girls know how to say No. What’s your No look like?